First, a plastic surgeon in New York City debuted the Insta Breast. It’s a 20-minute procedure that gives women a boost (up to one and a half cup sizes larger) and lasts for 24 hours. His Next Big Thing: Vacation Breasts. As Norman Rowe, MD, told ABC News, “Twenty four hours is great, but it’s still just 24 hours.”
Vacation Breasts, due out in 2016, will supposedly retain their shape for two to three weeks. This means that, say, a woman headed to Florida for a holiday getaway can rest assured she will fill out her bikini. And she might even want to tack on another trip to that, to be sure the maximum number of fellow vacationers see her vacay gazongas given that she has them for close to a month.
The procedure involves injecting a proprietary mix of a saline solution and an additive. ABC News senior medical contributor Jennifer Ashton had this to say: “With this procedure, there is the risk of hitting a blood vessel with the injection (forming a hematoma) as well as a risk of infection and the long-term risks are unknown at this time. There are also cost issues.” Insta Breasts run $2,500 or so, and Dr. Rowe predicts that vacay boobs might be cheaper because they’ll be more popular.
There is no word yet on whether airlines would charge extra baggage fees for vacation knockers. You also have to wonder about the now-you-see-’em-now-you-don’t effect, especially with the inevitable Facebook vacation pics: “Wow! Look at those boobs!” And then, post vacay, “Hey? Where’d her boobs go?!” And of course, there is the chance that mammoth fake breasts could scare small children, a good reason not to take your Vacation Boobs to Disney World.
Really, the possibilities are endless: Honeymoon Boobs! Spring Break Boobs! Family Reunion Boobs! College Reunion Boobs!
Because, you know, women aren’t already sufficiently paranoid about their beautiful, born-this-way bodies.